district 9.9 outta 10

district 9: a+. wow, just wow. its like black hawk down meets the fly meets independence day.

im not there, and not feelin it.

im not there: d. maybe its because i dont listen to a lot of bob dylan, or maybe its because i dont like shitty movies. i tend to think the latter.i feel like the director was all like: "hmmm if i made a movie where the main character was a symbolically different person through different periods of their life, that might be able to provide a good movie experience. but fuck symbolism, i will do it literally. and instead of using bob dylan's life, i'm going to make up stories. and if i throw in a black kid and a woman and richard gere, people will think i'm cool." i'm aware the film is experimental but i felt like it was a waste of time. i mean, batman didn't even fight the joker in this one.

volver: b+. the story is pretty good, and the acting seems good. but all movies in a foreign language seems to be good in the acting department. why? because we dont know how bad acting in a foreign language sounds like. and aint that the truth honayyy. ... and theres this one part with penelope cruz cleaning a knife:

yeah. das koo.


vicky christina barcelona: b+. would've gotten an a if all the women in this movie werent horrible women that i wish i would never meet. as a misogynistic guy watching this movie, i hated the main characters because they all wanted to have sex with this guy:

movies and other things i watched this summer, (for the first time)

the fall: a-, i feel like all bad ratings for this movie come from the fact that they based their rating on the fairy-tale within the movie and not the actual plot

the hurt locker: b+, because this movie has no plot, and things just happen. jk. but the main character was so ridiculous that it was unbelievable(stupid) at times. but it had so much suspense that i now have e.d.

dealgirl: d+, not to be confused with "the deadgirl" but i was like wtf are they whispering? the whole time. and wondering where his samurai knots were. and wishing fapping in front of my cousins was not taboo.

mystic river: a, my man clint knows what he's doing

deliver us from evil: a, this depressing doc makes me want to bomb churches. but in a good way.

man on wire: b, this doc is pretty cool of you wait for the story and ending to unfold

500 days of summer: a-, i wish i saw it in the comfort of my home, instead of a theatre. believing that i was one of few people who watched this movie would make me feel so uc warmer inside. i dont know. its a movie that i wished i couldve been a part of. it that means anything

moon: a, sam rockwell dancing and david bowie's son. that is all to say.

up: b+, 15 minutes in and i wanted to cry. after that, they made it a kids comedy. but enjoyable.

sunshine cleaning: b-, because there was no nudity.

the girlfriend experience: d, it felt like a pornstar was trying to act in a movie horribly

footfist way: b-, basically its an entire movie version of rex kwon do

paul blart mall cop: c, it doesnt get a d because it has that girl from heroes. the one that isnt a midget.

modify: b+. this doc is interesting and will not bore you at all. and if you like dicks* in your face, you'll love this movie. *said dicks are being hacked off and tortured worse than bme pain olylpics. in a movie! thats some crazy shit.

changeling: b, clint almost gets it perfect. jolie just looked kinda weird being so skinny and looking at little boys dicks.

dirty dozen: b, it was hella cool until they started blowing up women. and then you were like, "thats how they be dirty, huh?" and then you let it slide.

veronica mars, season 1-3: b+. because she is so fi-i-ine. and it has the kid from kazaam. +2 points!

tell no one: a-, this movie is like the constant gardener but with more french people and more skinny dipping. pretty cool thriller/mystery.

i am legend: b-, because corn doesnt grow out of asphalt in 3 years.

wicked: b+, its like if harry potter and the legally blond chick had sex and the baby was aborted and reese witherspoon was convicted of statutory rape.

casino: b+, joe pesci is a pro when it comes to women and getting his wiener out of the fly in the front of his pants without unbuttoning them first.

bruno: b-, for lack of the infamous interviews that made borat so good.

more like 500 days of some slut, amirite?

note: this poster will misguide you, it will be funnier than expected.

500 days of summer was a good movie if not great. but u knew that already. i know i'd like it way more if i hadnt seen it in theatres* where everyone roflols at awkward, dry, sweet, or quirky moments that should only make you smirk on the inside and go "ahmmm, i like that" without actually making any physical noise. or where teenage girls talk about how that scene happened to their friend irl. stfu jb.

at first i was like, is dat some oc? ...but the movie was too good. i sound like an a-hole saying that. but i was under the impression that the movie would have a more "indie" feel. but it was a full blown comedy, but not in any bad way. it's just movie posters these days are misleading with their napoleon-dynamite/juno fonts and designs to make you think the film is what the cool kids of 2003 called "indie".

i think the real reason i liked this movie so much is because of the smiths and regina spektor songs used. the soundtrack is a really strong element in defining the mood of this movie and making me love it.

*thats how i role